If Love Is The Answer Why Isn’t It Easier?
If love really is the answer let’s look at why that might be, and why it isn’t always so easy. I mean, beyond the niceties and the sentiment, the ooh’s and ahh’s of love, what makes it ‘the answer’?
We all want to be loved, but do we realize the significance of giving, or being love ourselves? I believe that love is the answer, but that we need to tune in to what that really means and what role we have to play in the sharing of it. If we want living from a place of love to be easier we have to understand our own role in it.
An Honest Perspective
As I mentioned above we all want to be loved, but we don’t take responsibility for our own contribution to the ‘love pool’. How can our world be everything we want it to be if we don’t step up and understand this is an ‘audience participation’ show we’re attending? Would you consider yourself guilty of expecting to receive slightly more than you’re actually giving? If we are honest, there are very few people on this earth that give freely without expecting something in return. It’s a pretty common thread throughout humanity. We thrive on all the good feels but forget that others do too.
My personal view? I have so much love in my heart to give, but for some strange reason giving it away isn’t always as easy as I’d like it to be. I mean I give my family plenty of love when it’s easy! But, when there’s tension? Not so much. And then there’s the ‘I did it last time, it’s your turn’ mentality. We want all manner of rewards or recognitions for dishing out our love. People have to ‘deserve’ our love. Yuk! That doesn’t feel very loving at all, does it? And yet, this is how we go through life. We are constantly checking the scales to make sure it’s all ‘fair’. Does this ring true for you? I know it does for me.
Turn It Around
The wonderful thing about life is it’s never too late to turn things around, to make a change or make improvements on the way you do things. We can make a decision in this very moment to live from a place of love. Not just with our family members, but with everyone we come across or interact with in our daily lives. Once we realize it, that love is the answer, we can choose it at every turn.
If we want our lives to be filled with that beautiful feeling we call love we have to understand that it can never be a one-sided event. This is one of the miracles of love: the more you give, the more it grows! Don’t ever forget that. I like to think of it like bubbles in a bathtub. Pour just a little bit of love in, swirl it around and it multiplies! Plus, it fills you with that gleeful, childlike happiness we could all use some more of. Just like bubbles!
Apply It to Everything
The way I see it if you apply the principles of unconditional love to every aspect of your life you will see how it can change (and heal) any hurt. Let’s take dieting as an example. We want the best for our bodies, and yet we do not approach it with love. We place unrealistic expectations that, more often than not, leave us feeling worse than before. If we shifted the way we approach the entire process, away from dropping the weight and more towards nurturing our bodies, we would see a more loving and permanent change.
The same can be applied to the way we show up for ourselves emotionally, the way we show up in our relationships and on and on and on. Every area of our lives can benefit from a loving approach. Think about your emotional state. Feeling sad? Give yourself the love you need in order to heal, whether that’s getting out there and exercising, meeting new people or taking an afternoon nap. We need to see what kind of loving approach will help us in the moment.
Nothing Can Heal Anger Better Than Love
If there is one lesson this world needs to learn it is this one. Love is the answer to all hate. Plain and simple. No argument was ever solved with more anger. It is only love and compassion that can heal. Anger never will. We all know this, but we let the anger take over. When we can learn to stop ourselves in the moment and choose love instead of anger, that is when we have won. And, the best part is that both parties win.
Take a moment to find that love in your heart. Feel it fully, lean into it. Now, wouldn’t you want to share it with those you love? Wouldn’t you want to share it with everyone? If you knew the power that it has to change the world we live in, would you change the way you show up? Would you love the ‘unloveable’? If you knew that love brings light where before there was only darkness, would you love more freely? Do you see the power you hold in your hands?
Love is a choice
Love resides in your heart, waiting for you to set it free in the world. You have it right there at your fingertips at any moment. It is as freely available as your breath. Each moment of frustration you can choose love. In each moment of anger, you can choose love. And, in each moment of self-loathing, you can choose love. The power is in making the right choice.
When we get caught up in the emotions during an argument for example, we stay stuck in our default settings that have gotten us nowhere in the past. This simple truth, that love is the answer, is really about making a choice in that crucial moment. When we experience first hand that impact of choosing love, then we realize that it is the only real way to solve problems once and for all and in doing so, change our lives for the better.
Listen to your Heart
To me the answer is in your heart. How do you feel when you react in a loving way? How does it feel to be fully loved and accepted by someone for exactly who you are? What does love feel like in your heart? We are known for overcomplicating things, and this is one of the major blunders of being human. Love is always going to feel better than hate. There is nothing to it, and yet we struggle to just love. We look for every reason under the sun not to respond with love. Crazy, hey!
When someone wrongs you and you react in a negative way, why are you surprised that you feel worse afterwards? Make a decision to react in a different way and just see how you feel about yourself and the situation afterwards. Just see! What do you have to lose? Being nice to someone who doesn’t deserve it? Someone who is also just a human being trying to navigate this life, who possibly got it wrong. And when someone gets it terribly wrong there’s always more to the story that ultimately requires love to heal the hurt. Still love, not hate! Remember that.
Love Yourself First
One of the greatest lessons that life has to teach us is that of love, but what we struggle with is understanding that to love others we have to first learn to love ourselves. I have written blogs on gratitude and blogs on freedom, but if I could put all these into one great lesson I would say the overall theme of them all is ultimately self-love. Self-love is the start, the end, the greatest lesson and the greatest gift that life has to give. For, if the answer to ‘what’s it all about?’ is Love, then self-love is the building blocks for the ultimate experience of love.
So, if you want to build a world on the foundations of love, start with yourself first. Know, in this moment, that for you to impact the world around you it starts with loving yourself. With seeing your value and contribution in the world. And I would say in this regard love is the answer, 100%, every time, without a doubt. Start with self-love and grow from there. Read more on this in my blog on Self-Love
So, Why isn’t it Easier?
Back to my original question. If love is the answer, why isn’t it easier? Life can make it hard to give love freely. All kinds of experiences are thrown at us, many of which do not feel loving. So, to respond in a loving way is indeed a challenge. But, when we understand that our love helps to heal the hurt we can build on that.
All growth is a process. A series of lessons and peeling back of layers of understanding. Understanding love and our relationship with it is also a process. We start with identifying, then we learn to adjust the dials accordingly. Turning down the volume on the anger and pumping up the volume on the love. Adjust, adjust. And sooner or later you realize which one works (any guesses?). One day you wake up and your efforts have paid off. Anger, along with all it’s nauseating counterparts, are no longer the dominant emotion. Love has won!
Look at a time in your life when someone said something hurtful. Find a way to see this through the eyes of love. This may require finding compassion for them and their circumstances, or it may require reminding yourself of your own worthiness. Either way, putting on your ‘love goggles’ and seeing the situation through different eyes will help you understand that love can help you understand better. It may be as simple as shifting away from your angry or hurt perspective long enough so that you can understand what the truth of the situation is.
Stop Fighting it
For a life experience filled with love we have to be open to it. Vulnerable. We have to be willing to risk it all on love. We have to believe in the power that love has to change our lives and from there, to ripple through the lives of those around us. Just like you commit to your partner when you marry, you need to commit to choosing love. When life sends you a challenge you need to face it, and respond to it with love. At the end of the day you need to ask yourself the question ‘do I believe that love is the answer?’, and if your heart responds with a yes then you know which path to choose.
I think that the reason it isn’t easy to just love is the same reason as so many others in life. We need to learn to grow as people and as a human race. It is just part of the experience we are having here on earth. And, part of this experience is the reward we feel when we’ve had that ah-ha moment. When we step into a higher understanding of ourselves and our power to make a difference. Step into your power and flood this world with light and love! It really is it’s own reward.
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