Number One Goal: Learn To Love Yourself

Self-Care is seen as a bit of a luxury, let’s be honest.  It’s seen as hours spent in front of the mirror applying masks, creams and make-up.  Or, foot spa’s and massages.  First of all, provided you aren’t spending more time on this than your everyday responsibilities, what’s wrong with any of this?!  Nothing.  What I’m here to talk about, though, is where the lines get blurred between what I call Self-Care and what I call Self-Love.  We are talking about learning to love yourself.  Self-Love is foundational.  It is essential.  And, it is sorely lacking in most of us.  Let’s chat Self-Love!

This Is No Luxury

Without Self-Love we simply cannot live our best lives.  We cannot reach our true potential because we cannot even see our true potential.  We need to learn to love ourselves before we can actually trust ourselves to step up and be the best version of ourselves.  To call this luxury is the biggest load of bs imaginable.  This needs to be reframed as a matter of urgency.  We all need to start realizing that self-love equals self-respect and self-worth and without those two things how do we live a balanced and happy life?

So, do we completely separate self-care and self-love and define them as completely different, or do we lump them together?  I don’t think there is a clear answer to this, and I don’t think there needs to be.  What is needed is to see the value in self-care and to see the undeniable importance of self-love.  Learning to love yourself is quite possibly the most important thing you can ever do in this life.

How to Love Ourselves

Start by asking yourself why you feel you are ‘less than’.  Who decided you weren’t worthy of love, success, health etc.?  For most of us it feels like it’s us that just knows we aren’t where we want to be, but if we look a little deeper we will see it is actually the weight of expectation that has become our story.  We feel the imaginary weight of all the standards we hold ourselves up against.  And, we have made up our minds that we just don’t seem to be able to reach the bar.  To measure up.

It is time to realize that a) there is never any use in comparing yourself to others because we are all built differently for a reason; and b) when you start to love yourself for who you were made to be, that is when you will really shine.  The irony of this all is that we are striving for some measurement of beauty, success, perfection but if we pushed for what is meant for us we will reach this measure so much more easily instead of pushing for something that was never meant for us.  And, something that will never give us the same level of satisfaction anyway.

Give Yourself A Break

Learn to soften your self-talk.  Be kinder to yourself and bit by bit you will begin to see yourself as deserving of all the love and recognition you believe others are worthy of.  The negative self-talk that we carry around with us has shaped our entire life experience, but we can change this!

Consider how you would feel if someone who is important to you spoke to you the way you speak to yourself?  You would feel horrible!  But, we somehow justify talking to ourselves like that.  We seem to think we deserve it.  Well,  how about we actually separate this negative voice from ourselves?  Give it a name.  If you do this you can separate that negativity from yourself, and you can put that person in their place.  Because it is not a physical person it makes it that much easier.

The next thing you need to do is to start making a list of your positive attributes.  Celebrate all the good things you can come up with about yourself, from the colour of your eyes to your patience, creative abilities or management skills.  List them ALL!  Challenge yourself to see how long you can get that list.  Why, because the more you get into it the more you will realize you’re more awesome that you are inadequate!


Show Up Authentically

Part of learning to love yourself is learning to first accept yourself, kinks and all.  See yourself as a one of a kind instead of comparing yourself to others.  Realize the miracle and blessing of being the only one of you in all of existence.  Explore the complexities that make you you.  Your personality traits, your creative passions or strengths, your sense of compassion or humour.

We are unique for the very reason that each of us has a path that was laid out for us.  The closer you look at your own unique ways, the clearer you will be able to see the clues as to what your life path has in store for us.  Your strengths and passions in life form part of the complete picture of who you are and are your signals for what you are meant to be doing in this life.  Always remember, your life is perfectly designed for YOU, so be true to who you are as a person.

You Only Live Your Life

When you embrace the essence of who you are and show up authentically life starts to make more sense.  Without self-love we can’t tap into our own potential.  Learn to love yourself and allow yourself to be guided towards the life you were meant to live instead of living a version you believe is expected of you.  Follow what calls to your heart and embrace your uniqueness.  This is where your magic lies!

And, most importantly, remember that you cannot live anyone else’s life or experiences.  You live YOUR life, in your way.  Live it fully and truthfully.  Live it filled with love for life and yourself.  You are precious, one of a kind and worthy of so much love.

Udemy has a range of courses available on Self-Love.  Check them out!

Thank you for being here and reading my blog, I hope you have found it helpful!

Steph x

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