Self Talk: A Thank You Letter To Myself

We all go through our internal struggles with ourselves.  Our self-doubt.  Questioning everything that we do.  Whether we are good enough, pretty enough, brave enough.  We are in a constant state of ‘talking ourselves down from a ledge’.  Trying, from a place of concern for our own best interest, to keep ourselves ‘safe’.  But, we are using the wrong approach altogether.  We are using fear tactics instead of positive self talk.  For this reason it has become so important that we ask ourselves the question ‘What is Self Talk?’.  And, am I using it to empower myself?

This question helps us to zoom out and see the damage our negative self talk is having on us.  It helps us to realize it’s time to cut the crap.  It’s time to see that our self talk is doing more to limit us than it is to protect us.  It’s time to listen to our own self talk and realize its impact on us.  Start realizing that our ‘protective approach’ is more of a barrier than a buffer.  In simpler terms, our words are stopping us from being our best selves, holding us back from living a full life.  It’s time to realize the power your self-talk has on you and your life, and that you can take that power back at any time!

Wouldn’t we get Further with Positive Self-Talk?

Most of the time our negative self-talk comes in because we are afraid of how we will be received by others.  We say things in our minds like ‘Don’t bother, they won’t like that idea.’  We are trying to protect ourselves.  But what do we honestly believe, at our core, will happen if we put ourselves out there into the world?  Is there anything so terrible that we can justify keeping ourselves small?  Tight in our safe little cocoon, because we are afraid.  Learning to open yourself up, to be vulnerable, is never easy but it is essential for you to be able to live a life true to yourself. If you have been reading my blogs and following along with me on my journey you will know that this is a process that I am working through daily.

I am trying to understand what has steered me through my life up until now (I am slowly realizing it was mainly fear).  What can I learn from this and where do I go from here?  What I have realized is that instead of chastising myself for every small doubt or complaint, it is time to look back at how far I have come and offer some kind and encouraging words to myself instead.  Stop putting up the hazard sign for any slightly scary life situation.  Stepping into your true worth and power involves a little bit of vulnerability and a lot of self-love and positive self talk.

Tuning In to your Self-Talk

To start shifting your mindset you first need to become aware of your negative self-talk.  Ask yourself ‘what is self talk?’ and really begin to understand the language that you are using on yourself.  This exercise is so beneficial, because our negative self-talk becomes so common place that we don’t even know we are doing it.  It becomes the only voice we know and, sadly, because of this it becomes the only voice we trust to be true.

The voice in our heads has something to say about everything, from the way we perform at work to the way we look in our clothes.  We need to shift this as a matter of urgency because it is shaping the world that we live in.  When you give yourself the love that you are not getting from outside sources you begin to realize that self-love is all that you really need.  But, first it has to be strengthened.  Have a real good think about whether this is something you are doing to yourself on the daily.  Once you recognize the pattern you can begin to make changes.

This is Where the Change needs to Happen

We build up an idea in our heads about a situation.  For example: ‘what if they don’t like me’.  This turns into ‘Oh my word, you look awful in that dress’, ‘You always say the stupidest things’, ‘They are looking at me like I’m weird’, etc etc.  The snowball has officially started gaining momentum.

What we have to see is that we can change this at any time.  When we start to use kind words on ourselves we give ourselves tiny boosts of confidence.  Enough of these and you change the way you see yourself completely.  Don’t believe it’s possible?  Give it a try!  Speak kindly to yourself and stop any negative comments in their tracks and you will see the change.

Let’s apply it to the ‘stubbing your toe’ idea.  When you stub your toes and react badly, cursing the skies for all your bad luck your day is on its way downhill.  Everything, from here on out goes badly for you.  But, if you choose to recognize this ‘bad mood trap’ and laugh it off when you stub your toe you are not doomed to have your entire day ruined by one small incident.  Does this ring true for you?  If so, don’t you think we can apply the same logic to our self talk?  In other words, shift your mindset towards the positive!

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Who’s Voice are You Listening To?

We are so hard on ourselves, no wonder we struggle to make a change.  It is almost impossible to picture yourself succeeding at something if you cannot practice positive self-talk.  If you were working for a boss and they spoke to you the way that you speak to yourself in your head, you would be mortified!  But, somehow, we tolerate that nasty voice that keeps putting us down.

There are two sides to this.  Firstly, that voice is actually NOT you!  It is years and years of listening to society’s views on how things should be.  It is that ‘story’ that you are living by, the one you believe makes up who you are.  The good news about that is it is within your power to STOP listening RIGHT NOW!  Don’t believe a word they say!  You are strong and capable, if only you will believe in yourself.  I believe if you are able to separate this voice from yourself, it will make it easier to disregard it the next time you hear it blurting out something negative about you.

Secondly,

You have it in You to Change that Voice, Not just Stop Listening

Work on planting those positive seeds, today!  Start giving yourself a damn chance at success!  Start recognizing all those attributes that make you stand out above the rest.  Pat yourself on the back for something you’ve achieved, no matter how small.  Positive feedback will always go further than negative, every single time!  The sooner we realize this, the sooner we can make a conscious effort to apply this principle in our lives, and to ourselves.

This brings me to my letter.  I have decided to write myself a Thank You Letter.  Instead of questioning my worthiness, I have decided to express gratitude for my good traits and accomplishments.  I hope this will serve as encouragement for you to do the same.  It is an exercise in positive thinking that will shift your state of mind like magic!  This is my letter:

˜˜˜

A Thank You Letter To Myself

‘I thought you were afraid.  I thought you were ‘just you’.  A mother, a wife, an employee.  But, then, I looked again.  You are strong.  In your eyes I see a fire, a love of life that needs to be shared.  I watch you as you stand up, time and again.  I watch, and marvel at your resilience.  You are made of stronger stuff than anyone would know.  I see you struggling.  Life challenges, but you keep going.  I admire you.  I am proud of you.  The work you have put in, to create a life you believe in.  You set out to grow, and grow you have!

But, I know also, that this is just the beginning.  You will continue on your journey, you will learn more about ˜each day.  Growth is part of you now.

You used to think about the person you wanted to be.  You had ideas about what you wanted to look like, how you wanted to act.  Watching you has made this clear, you are all I want to be.

You are brave, kind, strong and resilient.  This life is shaping you and you are ready for it.  Thank you for showing me that I am enough, just as I am.  Thank you for being you, ‘just you’.’

˜˜˜

Kind Words can Change your Life

This was not an easy thing to share, but I believe it is hugely helpful in healing and growth for us all.  Write a letter to yourself today.  Say all the things your heart needs to hear.  Be kind, be forgiving, be understanding.  Be the person you ‘think’ you need someone else to be for you.  You are all you need, but first you must say these kind and loving words to yourself.  You need to let your soul know that it is okay.  That you are okay, just as you are.

This might not be an easy thing for you to do, but be patient with yourself.  Find one kind thing to say.  List some of your strengths and thank yourself for them.  Are you committed, resilient, brave?  Take the time to really talk yourself up!  Your life will begin to change when you start to talk to yourself like you matter.  Talk to yourself like you would to someone ‘important’ because, after all, who is more important in your life than you?

What to Say in your Letter

Here are a few ideas, points to consider, when writing your letter.  This letter is a celebration of everything that you are.  It should be the most uplifting and encouraging letter you have ever written.  Period.

Say thank you for every moment that you have been the one there supporting yourself.  Because, remember, you are the only person who is always there for yourself!  Acknowledge that.

Honour yourself for your kindness, resilience, ambition or generosity.  Anywhere that you give 100% is something that should be celebrated.  Even the act of just seeing these efforts is a powerful thing.  Now, thank yourself for that.

Thank yourself for those moments of self-care when you give back to yourself.  Where you love yourself and care for yourself.  These need to be ‘seen’ because they are more important than you realize.  Every moment of self-love is an acknowledgement of your value.

Going back to the question ‘what is self-talk?’  This letter gives you your power back.  It silences the critic in your head and replaces it with the opportunity to be your own cheerleader instead of your own worst enemy.

Make a Change Today

I hope that today you will pick up that pen and make a change.  First on paper, then in your thoughts and eventually in your heart.  Commit to giving yourself the love and encouragement that you need and that you deserve.  Thanks for reading and please leave a comment if you have anything to share!

Steph x

Don’t be a victim of negative self-talk – remember YOU are listening – Bob Proctor

A great book to read to help you get out of your head is Girl, Wash Your Face

If you enjoyed this blog you might enjoy this blog  Journaling: A Path To Self-Discovery 

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