Self Talk: A Thank You Letter To Myself
Self Talk: A Thank You Letter To Myself
We all go through our internal struggles. Our self-doubt. Questioning everything that we do. Whether we are good enough, pretty enough, brave enough. We are in a constant state of ‘talking ourselves down from a ledge’. Trying, from a place of concern for our own best interest, to keep ourselves ‘safe’. But, we are using the wrong approach altogether. We are using fear tactics instead of positive self talk. It’s become easier to find examples of negative self talk than positive self talk examples. For this reason it is so important that we ask ourselves the question ‘What is Self Talk?’. And, am I using it to empower myself?
This question helps us to zoom out and see the damage our negative self talk is having on us. It helps us to realize it’s time to cut the crap. It’s time to see that our self talk is doing more to limit us than it is to protect us. It’s time to listen to our own self talk and realize its impact on us. Start realizing that our ‘protective approach’ is more of a barrier than a buffer. In simpler terms, our words are stopping us from being our best selves, holding us back from living a full life. It’s time to realize the power your self-talk has on you and your life, and that you can take that power back at any time! In this blog we’ll look at these questions as well as some positive self talk examples for our daily lives.
Wouldn’t we get Further with Positive Self-Talk?
Most of the time our negative self-talk comes in because we are afraid of how we will be received by others. We say things in our minds like ‘Don’t bother, they won’t like that idea.’ We are trying to protect ourselves. But what do we honestly believe, at our core, will happen if we put ourselves out there into the world? Is there anything so terrible that we can justify keeping ourselves small? Tight in our safe little cocoon, because we are afraid. Learning to open yourself up, to be vulnerable, is never easy but it is essential for you to be able to live a life true to yourself. If you have been reading my blogs and following along with me on my journey you will know that this is a process that I am working through daily.
I am trying to understand what has steered me through my life up until now (I am slowly realizing it was mainly fear). What can I learn from this and where do I go from here? What I have realized is that instead of chastising myself for every small doubt or complaint, it is time to look back at how far I have come and offer some kind and encouraging words to myself instead. Stop putting up the hazard sign for any slightly scary life situation. Stepping into your true worth and power involves a little bit of vulnerability and a lot of self-love and positive self talk.
Tuning In to your Self-Talk
To start shifting your mindset you first need to become aware of your negative self-talk. Ask yourself ‘what is self talk?’ and really begin to understand the language that you are using on yourself. This exercise is so beneficial, because our negative self-talk becomes so common place that we don’t even know we are doing it. It becomes the only voice we know and, sadly, because of this it becomes the only voice we trust to be true. How can we empower those positive self talk examples in our lives if we are focused on the negative?
The voice in our heads has something to say about everything, from the way we perform at work to the way we look in our clothes. We need to shift this as a matter of urgency because it is shaping the world that we live in. When you give yourself the love that you are not getting from outside sources you begin to realize that self-love is all that you really need. But, first it has to be strengthened. Have a real good think about whether this is something you are doing to yourself on the daily. Once you recognize the pattern you can begin to make changes.
Positive Self Talk Examples
We build up an idea in our heads about a situation. For example: ‘what if they don’t like me’. This turns into ‘Oh my word, you look awful in that dress’, ‘You always say the stupidest things’, ‘They are looking at me like I’m weird’, etc etc. The snowball has officially started gaining momentum.
What we have to see is that we can change this at any time. When we start to use kind words on ourselves we give ourselves tiny boosts of confidence. Enough of these and you change the way you see yourself completely. Don’t believe it’s possible? Give it a try! Speak kindly to yourself and stop any negative comments in their tracks and you will see the change. Some positive self talk examples would be, ‘I feel good in this, and that’s all that matters’ or ‘just because one idea wasn’t well received doesn’t mean all the others won’t be’.
Let’s apply it to the ‘stubbing your toe’ idea. When you stub your toe and react badly, cursing the skies for all your bad luck, your day is on its way downhill. Everything, from here on out goes badly for you. But, if you choose to recognize this ‘bad mood trap’ and laugh it off when you stub your toe you are not doomed to have your entire day ruined by one small incident. Does this ring true for you? If so, don’t you think we can apply the same logic to our self talk? In other words, shift your mindset towards the positive!
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Who’s Voice are You Listening To?
We are so hard on ourselves, no wonder we struggle to make a change. It is almost impossible to picture yourself succeeding at something if you cannot practice positive self-talk. If you were working for a boss and they spoke to you the way that you speak to yourself in your head, you would be mortified! But, somehow, we tolerate that nasty voice that keeps putting us down.
There are two sides to this. Firstly, that voice is actually NOT you! It is years and years of listening to society’s views on how things should be. It is that ‘story’ that you are living by, the one you believe makes up who you are. The good news about that is it is within your power to STOP listening RIGHT NOW! Don’t believe a word they say! You are strong and capable, if only you will believe in yourself. I believe if you are able to separate this voice from yourself, it will make it easier to disregard it the next time you hear it blurting out something negative about you.
Secondly,
You have it in You to Change that Voice, Not just Stop Listening
Work on planting those positive seeds, today! Start giving yourself a damn chance at success! Start recognizing all those attributes that make you stand out above the rest. Pat yourself on the back for something you’ve achieved, no matter how small. Make your own list of positive self talk examples that apply to your own situation, to give yourself a boost. Positive feedback will always go further than negative, every single time! The sooner we realize this, the sooner we can make a conscious effort to apply this principle in our lives, and to ourselves.
This brings me to my letter. I have decided to write myself a Thank You Letter. Instead of questioning my worthiness, I have decided to express gratitude for my good traits and accomplishments. Use the positive self talk examples in my letter as inspiration when writing your own. I hope this will serve as encouragement for you to do the same. It is an exercise in positive thinking that will shift your state of mind like magic! This is my letter:
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A Thank You Letter To Myself
‘I thought you were afraid. I thought you were ‘just you’. A mother, a wife, an employee. But, then, I looked again. You are strong. In your eyes I see a fire, a love of life that needs to be shared. I watch you as you stand up, time and again. I watch, and marvel at your resilience. You are made of stronger stuff than anyone would know. I see you struggling. Life challenges, but you keep going. I admire you. I am proud of you. The work you have put in, to create a life you believe in. You set out to grow, and grow you have!
But, I know also, that this is just the beginning. You will continue on your journey, you will learn more about yourself each day. Growth is part of you now.
You used to think about the person you wanted to be. You had ideas about what you wanted to look like, how you wanted to act. Watching you has made this clear, you are all I want to be.
You are brave, kind, strong and resilient. This life is shaping you and you are ready for it. Thank you for showing me that I am enough, just as I am. Thank you for being you, ‘just you’.’
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Kind Words can Change your Life
This was not an easy thing to share, but I believe it is hugely helpful in healing and growth for us all. Write a letter to yourself today. Say all the things your heart needs to hear. Be kind, be forgiving, be understanding. Be the person you ‘think’ you need someone else to be for you. You are all you need, but first you must say these kind and loving words to yourself. You need to let your soul know that it is okay. That you are okay, just as you are.
This might not be an easy thing for you to do, but be patient with yourself. Find one kind thing to say. List some of your strengths and thank yourself for them. Are you committed, resilient, brave? Take the time to really talk yourself up! Your life will begin to change when you start to talk to yourself like you matter. Talk to yourself like you would to someone ‘important’ because, after all, who is more important in your life than you?
What to Say in your Letter
Here are a few ideas, points to consider, when writing your letter. This letter is a celebration of everything that you are. It should be the most uplifting and encouraging letter you have ever written. Period.
Say thank you for every moment that you have been the one there supporting yourself. Because, remember, you are the only person who is always there for yourself! Acknowledge that.
Honour yourself for your kindness, resilience, ambition or generosity. Anywhere that you give 100% is something that should be celebrated. Even the act of just seeing these efforts is a powerful thing. Now, thank yourself for that.
Thank yourself for those moments of self-care when you give back to yourself. Where you love yourself and care for yourself. These need to be ‘seen’ because they are more important than you realize. Every moment of self-love is an acknowledgement of your value.
Going back to the question ‘what is self-talk?’ This letter gives you your power back. It silences the critic in your head and replaces it with the opportunity to be your own cheerleader instead of your own worst enemy. Add your positive self talk examples into your letter, expand on them and celebrate them.
Positive Self Talk Quotes
“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love” – Brene Brown
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“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” – Buddha
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“Be very careful what you say to yourself because someone very important is listening . . . YOU!” – John Assaraf
Make a Change Today
I hope that today you will pick up that pen and make a change. First on paper, then in your thoughts and eventually in your heart. Commit to giving yourself the love and encouragement that you need and that you deserve.
Thanks for reading and please leave a comment if you have anything to share!
Steph x
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Love this inspiration post! I agree that we have the power within ourselves to listen and talk and self- talk can be empowering. Thank you for this encouragement- may be I will write a letter soon till then positive thoughts and belief that I can!
It all starts with positive thoughts! If we can focus some of the positivity that we project onto everyone else onto ourselves we will be doing well. Thanks for reading!
What a beautiful written post! And it’s a good reminder that we should love ourselves more and to focus on the positiv parts inter of the negative ones. It’s very important to sit down and reflect! Thanks you for this post!
Thanks for reading, Josephine! Our self talk is something so many of us don’t think about, shifting it to the positive can make a huge difference 🙂
Great stuff Steph! I’m going to give your blog to my girls to read x
That’s a great idea, get them working on their self talk early on!
This is a great post, our inner voice is the most important voice and cause the most damage or do the most good. A healthy self out look is so important.
We can change our lives just by talking kindly to ourselves. So simple but so overlooked! Thanks for your comment, Jen.
I completely agree if we can just everyone on the same page about that the world would be a better place. It need more good like this, keeping on putting the inspiration out there my friend!
Thanks Jen! I agree, the world would be a happier place if we all loved ourselves more!
That was great, something that I need to do right away today, write that letter and put it up on my mirror. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
Aaah, you are so welcome, I’m so glad it resonated with you!
Since last year, thanks to a friend, I started writing me letters. It is really important and interesting as, read over time, they become a perspective and a great way to talk to us. Understand and thank us.
Often we discount the need of communication with ourselves, but I think we need to nurture our relationship with ourselves as much as we do our other relationships. Thanks for reading, Cristina!
Very important. Thank you for shedding some light on this!
You are welcome, I believe if we can learn to be kinder to ourselves we can change the world around us.
Great article! Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door (quote from Coco Channel). Self-blame or play victim is the most hazardous energy to our well-being. Be kind to ourselves. Positive self-talk is powerful. If we’re not kind to ourselves, we won’t be kind to others.
Thanks for reading, Cathy! So true, we cannot be kind to others when we are constantly putting ourselves down in our heads.
Such a great post! It is true, writing a thank you letter is a wonderful idea. I have been doing a journal of what I am grateful for, for years. It has helped keep me on track throughout the years. I am definitely going to add this to my list to do! Thank you for sharing!
I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Journaling is one of my favourite things, and focusing on gratitude is huge!
This is amazing! I am all for speaking self positivity. It’s so important to big up ourselves and stop stopping ourselves.
100% Agree! We need to stop standing in our own way! Thanks for reading!
Stephanie, I love the vulnerability you show in the piece. And to share your letter to yourself – a special act of giving. It takes great courage to share of yourself at this level – I’ve seen it over hundred times when people share their personal stories with me.
Thank you for this very important and beautiful blog post.
Thank you, Karletta! It means a lot to hear you say that. I really wanted to encourage people to say these words to themselves and thought that sharing would be encouraging. 🙂
This post is very beautiful and somehow touched a sensitive part of myself.
Thank you so much, Maria, I am so glad it resonated with you. I hope you write your own letter, and say those kind and loving words. 🙂
We definitely do not speak kindly to ourselves enough. We hold ourselves back out of fear or comfort and then regret choices not made. I really love this idea and the ability for self forgiveness rather than endlessly stewing over old regrets.
Exactly right! Stewing over things is so toxic, we need to learn to release and allow love in instead! Thanks for reading, Tara!
Being kind to yourself is the hardest but most important part of self-care.Thanks for the reminder.
I agree on both counts, it is the hardest and most important. The impact on our happiness is huge. Thanks for reading!
Read this at the perfect time because I am doubting myself in my new role at work! Need to learn how to stop
You absolutely need to stop doubting yourself, that’s the nasty voice talking! I’m glad the post was helpful, thanks for reading!
This is beautiful and inspiring! Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Alyssa, I’m glad you found it inspiring!
All it takes is YOU to change your perspective and thoughts about yourself and your life. I have to remind myself this often when I’m in a bad mindset
We constantly need to remind ourselves that we are enough! Thanks for reading!
valuable post for people who are struggling with negative self image.
I completely agree that we have the power within ourselves to change our lives and kind words can definitely change our situation.
thank you very much for sharing this post.
You are so welcome! Kind words can change our entire lives 🙂
Writing a thank you letter to ourselves is such a cool way to practice gratitude and change our mindset! Healthy self-talk is so important for our inner wellbeing and mental health 😊
I couldn’t agree more, one of our greatest lessons in life is to learn to love ourselves!
Your article is fabulous! Self talk is so important and can drastically change your day!
100% correct, Danielle! We need to recognize how much our self talk impacts us 🙂
Great reading! Thanks so much for sharing
Thanks, Angela!
Love this idea. Thank you for sharing it.
You are so welcome, Amy, thank you so much for reading 🙂
This is exactly what I needed to hear!!!
That’s so great, Megan, thanks for sharing!
This is such an inspirational posts! I need to be much kinder to myself. I now need to retreat to my journal to write a letter to myself. Thanks for sharing.
This makes me so happy, Ashley! I’m sure you’ll find it so healing!
Inspirational post. Some wise words there, thank you.
What a wonderful read! At the very beginning of my healing journey 15 years ago, negative self talk was my biggest hurdle! I talked so absolutely terrible to myself and about myself. I read in a personal development book (I can’t remember which it was, it was so long ago haha) to not try and stop the negative self talk, but to immediately compliment myself afterwards. So for every negative thought had to be met with a positive rebuttal. It was like retraining the way I thought, and it took awhile, but it worked! Positive self talk is so transformative and definitely helps make that voice louder than the negative one.
I also love the idea of writing a thank you letter to yourself! Thank you for sharing this!
So good! Sounds like a great way to slowly push the negativity out the door. Thanks for sharing this great tip, Meghan.
This hit me ” Who’s voice are you listening to?”. I am using this phrase whenever that negative self-talk starts to invade my consciousness.
Yes, love it! This makes me so happy to hear this, Lani!
Omg! I finally found a blog that hit all the words I am currently feeling for the past few days! Losing my self confidence, being away from my family and friends and my husband forgot my birthday! I feel like I’m worthless. But trying to be strong and telling to my dear self “cheer up! It’s not the end of the world! The important is you love yourself!”
Thanku so much for sharing this to us for free. More successful to your page.
Thank you so much for your comment, Misheru. I am sorry to hear things haven’t been going well for you but I am so pleased you enjoyed the blog and found it helpful! It makes me so happy to hear you say it is important to love yourself, with self love we can get through the most difficult times. I hope to see you on the blog again and wishing you all the best!