Ever Wonder how to be Happy Alone? 

I think if we’re going to look at how to be happy alone we need to ask why it is that we aren’t happy alone in the first place.  I think the answer that will come out head and shoulders above the rest is that we don’t want to be left alone with our own thoughts.  How awful is that!  We don’t like the voice inside our heads.  I feel like we need to pause here and think about that.  We don’t like the voice inside our OWN heads.

This is tragic.  Mostly because of the fact that we don’t want to spend time with the most important person we will ever know in our existence, but also because we can change this!  We should all be deeply in love with ourselves.  Deeply in love with the soul that sits beneath the surface of all of it.  Our problem is we have disconnected from who we truly are, and we don’t like that fake version of ourselves.  We’re ashamed, essentially, and want to hide from it.  Don’t you think it’s time we embraced the beauty of the relationship we are meant to have with ourselves?  Wouldn’t you love to be not only comfortable in your own company, but at peace.  Shouldn’t being alone with yourself feel like being home?

Tell me More

Every action you take in this life that goes against your true nature is a reminder of how far removed you are from your truth.  So, have a short temper with your kids (you’re not alone!)?  The reason it bothers you so much is that it’s not what you want to be the truth but you struggle with this thing called life!  I think when we can see that our flaws don’t make us less worthy, or a failure in some sense, then we can cut ourselves some slack.  Especially when we consider we have multiple different personalities that are all trying to do life their own way.  You aren’t going to get it right all of the time.  And, yes, its okay and normal!

Where in the rule book does it say, ‘Human!  Strive at all times to be perfect.  This is your eternal goal!’.  Nope, doesn’t say that anywhere, and yet we still keep pushing ourselves to be something we were actually never intended to be.  Be better?  Yes.  Keep growing?  100%.  But, no one EVER said we need to be perfect.  The emotions, the flare ups, they’re all part of being human.  What does human even look like without these?  Sounds more like robot to me.  So, the next time you’re alone with your thoughts and they go to all the places that point out your flaws, remember your flaws are a natural part of you and without them you wouldn’t be quite the same.  And, remember, we all struggle with this same problem to be better so be kinder to yourself when you ‘fall short’.

How to be happy alone

Are you thinking, that’s impossible?  I feel too sad or anxious when I’m alone.  My thoughts run away with me when I’m alone.  I feel lonely when I’m alone.  Let’s address the lonely first.  We only feel lonely because we are outwardly focused.  Thinking, on a loop, about the emptiness caused by the lack of ‘something’ other than ourselves.  But, if we learn to listen to our own voice, our own heart, and be present to ourselves, we will find we have a pretty good friend in ourselves.  But, first, you have to show yourself that you are prepared to be the therapist that simply sits and lets you talk.  Be the ‘listener’ to yourself.  Give yourself  the space you need in order to feel safe.  None of us feel safe in a space where we’re always judged and we don’t get a word in edgewise.  This applies to how you do or don’t honour yourself as well.  Make sure you are making yourself feel safe to be alone around you.

This might be such a foreign concept to you that it sounds kooky or even like bs, but try it.  You know how it feels when you are trying to be heard and someone keeps talking over you or moving on from what you are trying to say?  It creates this emptiness, or even a pain, in your chest.  It feels awful.  Don’t do that to yourself.  Take the time to sit and see what comes up for you.  How do you feel when you sit alone with no distractions?  Do you feel super uncomfortable and find yourself immediately looking for a distraction or an exit?  Stop and think about how you feel in your body, are you tense?  Anxious?  Now, be brave and recognize that these are signs to STAY and not to leave.  These are signs to feel the feelings and try to understand them.  Remember, when you show yourself that you’re there for yourself, the trust begins to develop.


Calm the Mind Chatter

Once you befriend yourself by providing a safe space to be acknowledged, you can learn to open up to the stillness of being alone.  The secret of how to be happy alone is really all about finding that stillness that makes you feel safe in an otherwise crazy and sometimes scary world.  There is so much power in finding a place to feel safe.  If you are not used to being safe in your own head this will be tough and my first port of call will always be to practice meditation.  You need to learn to let go of all the thoughts.

Let me be clear, ‘YOU are not the problem, your THOUGHTS are’.  When you learn to recognize them as separate from you and to slowly allow them to pass through instead of setting up home, you slowly free yourself.  When that happens, you realize that you were your own best friend all along and the overthinking (frazzled) brain was just working on overdrive, not actually helping you at all.  My recommendation would be to find a body scan meditation to start with, they are amazingly powerful for helping you to learn to relax body and mind.

Be your Own Best Friend

Can you consider the possibility today that you could actually be your own best friend?  If that is far-fetched for you I ask that you simply consider it.  Consider being a friend to yourself, even in the smallest of ways.  Think about the things you could talk about with this new best friend, the one that has a level of unconditional love that you have never experienced before.  What would you share?  How safe and loved would you feel?  Try it now.  Share how you feel about something and then simply sit and feel the response.  Don’t talk back, just allow your inner guidance to care for you in this moment.

The most loving relationship of your life begins with self-reflection, and a little bit of patience.  Remember not to let yourself ‘talk back’ because those are the programs and the outside influences over years and years.  Just sit in the peace and let the thoughts go.  You will find you are able to separate yourself from the negative thoughts and find your way to a stillness that is so liberating and loving.  You can be happy alone when you realize that when you open that door and walk into the room you need to leave all the things you actually don’t want to be with at the door and walk into the room with the quiet, loving soul that you are.  Now that is how to be happy alone!

Steph x

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